Facebook Group:
Parents Coping With
Sibling Sexual Trauma & Abuse

Users' Guide for New Members:
Please Read This Whole Section

So sorry that you need this group, but glad you found us.

The Facebook group, Parents Coping with Sibling Sexual Abuse & Trauma, is...

a place for nonjudgmental support
a safe space for honest sharing
a place to be seen and know you are not alone

Our group is one of a very few spaces devoted specifically to those who face the devastating reality that one of their own children has sexually harmed another of their children. It is the only place that most of us can connect with others who truly understand what we are facing.

Everyone here is doing the very best they can.

Yet, while we all have this awful reality in common, the rest of our situations can be very different. None of us can fully know what other group members are dealing with. We will encounter members whose choices, opinions, and feelings are very different than our own. Many parents here are in a fragile emotional state, and it is easy to be triggered or offended by each others' words. So we ask all to keep in mind the mantra,

Everyone here is doing the very best they can.

Language

Sibling sexual trauma is such a difficult, complex, and hidden reality that it is hard to find words that fit to describe it. Yet, the words we use will frame how we think about it, and they can also carry a great emotional impact. Here are some guidelines for language within the group:

CWH=Child Who Harmed

CWWH=Child Who Was Harmed

When asking a question to the group in general, when referring to others' children, or about sibling sexual abuse in general, we ask you to use CWH and CWWH. We have carefully chosen these words, as they are inclusive of any level of harm, and of any motivation and level of responsibility on the part of the CWH.

When you are describing your own children and your own situation, you may use these, or any other words that are most appropriate--victim, survivor, perpetrator, abuser, offender, etc.

In a similar fashion, the moderators prefer the term "sibling sexual trauma" (SST) as the most inclusive term to refer to the effects that we are all dealing with, of any type of harmful sexual behavior (HSB) between siblings of any age. We realize that for many here, the behavior was truly abusive, and the term "sibling sexual abuse" (SSA) is appropriate.

At 5WAVES, we define siblings as those who share at least one common parent, or who lived in the same home, at least part-time, during their childhood. We welcome biological parents, step-parents, adoptive and foster parents, and relatives who are raising a neice, nephew, or grandchild in their own home.

Tips to Keep the Group Safe & Supportive

It is up to all of us in the group to keep it a truly supportive and compassionate space, free from judgment and stigma.

Whenever possible, tell your own experience, rather than telling others what they should do. (Example: "I used EMDR therapy and it really helped me," is better than "You should try EMDR.")
When a group member posts a question, or shares their feelings within a specific context, please keep comments relevant to that question, or dilemma. (Example: If someone asks, "Is there anyone here who did not allow their child to be questioned by police?" it would be inappropriate to comment that you think all children should give testimony to police.)
If you have a strong disagreement or emotional reaction to anything that is written within the group, rather than responding in argument or hijacking the post, please try one or more of these options:
- Take a brief break from your device
- Start your own post sharing your feelings on the topic that you feel strongly about
- Just keep scrolling on by
- Report the post privately to group admins (see below--menu drops down from the triple dots next to the top of the post)

The Facebook group is not...

a substitute for professional mental health services
a place to get reliable legal or medical advice
a crisis helpline (mobile users: scroll down to purple box for recommended helplines)

Recommended Helplines

Stop It Now! affiliates all have helplines where you can talk or chat live, confidentially and anonymously, with a human operator. Their experienced staff can help assess your unique situation and give information that will help you make informed decisions about reporting, dealing with police and social services, keeping your children safe, finding treatment for each child. Or they can just provide a listening ear. They have concern and resources for both children who have been harmed, and those who have harmed others.

Unfortunately, none of these currently have funding to staff the helplines 24/7. Hours are generally on afternoons/evenings on weekdays. Click on the icon above for specific information on Stop It Now! in your nation.

If you need immediate help when these are not available, please refer to this International Helpline Listing.

Recommended Sources of Information on Sibling Sexual Trauma & Abuse

Other Support Groups

5WAVES SST Support Community on the Discord platform--choose "parent" as role
MOSAC (Mothers Of Sexually Abused Children) Facebook group: this is for parents of a child abused by anyone. If you are focusing your concern solely on your child who was harmed, and you want to be around others who share that focus only, MOSAC may be worth checking out.
kkccares.org has weekly, moderated conference call support groups, including a group for parents of siblings sexual trauma

Privacy

This group was founded by two parents of SST, in March 2021. In three and a half years, it has grown to 1000 members. It is now a project of 5WAVES, Inc, and is moderated by parent cofounders of 5WAVES as well as other volunteers from within this group.

It is up to you whether you post within the group, or just read what others share. There is an option to post anonymously. Under this option, only moderators can see who created the post--and even they would only see if they click on the post. (It is not possible to comment anonymously on another person's post.) Just click the "anonymous post" option below the "write something" prompt at the top of the page:

Our moderators, and 5WAVES, take privacy and confidentiality very seriously. The group is designated "private" by Facebook, meaning that only those who are also in the group can see who has joined the group. We appreciate you responding to our screening questions and any follow up that may have been needed.

We ask that no one take or share any screenshots of activity within the group. This would be grounds for removal from the group. (Note: Moderators may screenshot posts, for the purpose of discussing concerns within their private messaging group.) If you happen to encounter someone you know in real life, we ask you to keep their presence in this group and anything they have shared here strictly confidential (similar to standards in AA and other recovery groups).

Despite these precautions, this group is still on the internet, and nothing can be 100% guaranteed private. For your own protection, please do not post any personal identifying information, such as children's names or your exact location, and consider carefully before sharing images of yourself or your children.

Optional opportunity: this survey takes at least an hour to complete. It will ask about your experience and feelings about the sibling sexual trauma in your family. You may skip any question you like, and you can take breaks and come back to the survey later. There has been one study published from this survey, with more hopefully to come. Click on the image below to be directed to the survey.